Moms Talk: Can Facebook Sometimes be 'Fake' Book?

“Everyone is having more fun out there than I am,” a friend moaned to me recently.

“Why do you say that?” I asked.

“Just look at their pictures on Facebook," she answered. "Their families are taking trips to Hawaii, they have a million friends, their kids are getting straight A’s, they’re taking surfing lessons, their Christmas photos are perfection. All this while I’m just living an average life!”

“I have a hunch they’re living an average life 95 percent of the time,” I said with a smile.

As I drove home that night, I thought long and hard about these social networking sites that have quite literally taken over the world in the last few years. As someone who has moved several times in the last decade, I’m grateful for sites like Facebook, where I can connect with friends all over the country.

Thanks to Facebook, I had coffee with a friend I hadn’t seen since junior high a few weeks ago, have gotten some excellent parenting advice, seen precious photos of a wedding I wasn’t able to attend, and even scored a Coach purse from a friend selling hers.

In just the last five minutes, thanks to this site, I’ve learned that a friend had a new baby, another friend’s husband is in the hospital, and yet another one’s son is taking his driver’s test today. For me, Facebook is a place to share funny stories, see familiar smiling faces, gain support, network and keep updated. As a mom who no longer attends playgroups and other “mommy” functions, I’m happy to know I’m not alone in the world of mothering as I navigate my day.

But with anything good comes the negatives.

I admit to having pined over a friend’s photos of the Bahamas, secretly wondering when I’d ever be able to travel between running the carpool and paying for braces.

I’ve sighed as I read someone’s constant “peppy” update and wondered if her life really was too good to be true.

I’ve envied family photos in which every member is smiling, facing the camera, matching and poised at some exotic location other than their living room couch.

And at the end of the day, I wonder if we haven’t all brought our “best” to this site and in the process become more lonely and disillusioned than ever. After all, it’s much easier to post “Having a blast with friends in New York City!” than “Suffering severe postpartum depression.” And when was the last time you selected the photo of you with bed-head and ruddy skin for your profile pic?

Dr. John Cacioppo, director of the Center for Cognitive and Social Neuroscience at the University of Chicago, reveals how Facebook and other social media can sometimes induce loneliness. Cacioppo noted in a recent interview that “research suggests that lonely individuals tend to use social networking sites in a way that puts distance between themselves and others. For lonely people who can tend to feel unwanted in live social situations, Facebook can feel like a safe haven. But that’s a little bit like being hungry and eating celery. It feels good for a moment, but it’s not actually nutritious, and it’s not satisfying the underlying need.” This explains why a person who has 800 Facebook “friends” can still feel lonely at the end of the day.

As anyone who’s had a bad blind date can attest, we can be nearly anything we want to be online. But in person, we’re forced to, for the most part, be ourselves. I’m much more likely to be real with a friend over coffee when I see the dark circles under her eyes that indicate sleep deprivation, and she’s much more likely to be real with me when we can share an authentic laugh instead of an “LOL” online. And a play date with sticky fingers and kids giggling in the background is a lot more satisfying than a “Hey, what’s up!” shout-out on Facebook.

As a mom, I’m still a fan of social networking, because I think the advantages outweigh the negatives. But as most people would agree, we can’t trade real life for life online. It just isn’t real. It doesn’t stick. But what about you, moms? Have you found social networking sites more helpful than harmful? Do you ever feel worse when you log in? Do you try to “keep it real” with your status updates? We want to hear from you!