This post was contributed by a community member. The views expressed here are the author's own.

Community Corner

Moms Talk: For Safety's Sake, Are 'Powder Rooms' for Boys Too?

The Crown Books incident has shaken mothers around the community. Would you escort a pre-adolescent boy into a public restroom for safety's sake?

Last week, a creepy man tried to grab a boy under the bathroom stall in the new Rancho Santa Margarita Crown Books store. Thankfully, the kid got away safely and told authorities, but the incident has mothers with kids of all ages on edge as they ask themselves, “What if that had been my child?”

A 9-year –old boy in Oceanside years ago wasn’t so lucky. While at a family reunion at a park, he went into a public restroom while his aunt waited outside the door. When he didn’t return after some time, his aunt grew worried and stepped inside, where she found him murdered. His killer was sentenced to death row, but the tragedy haunted the community and the nation for years.

The "escorting your child to the public restroom" dilemma has been long debated and discussed in mothering circles. As one who struggles with public bathroom phobia (I mean, does anyone really enjoy visiting a public restroom, much less with kids, who tend to touch everything in sight and are always immensely fascinated by the air-blow hand drying device?) I try to avoid them at all costs.

Find out what's happening in Rancho Santa Margaritawith free, real-time updates from Patch.

When my kids were little, of course, I escorted them in every time. But now that they’re older (ages 15, 11, 10 and 7), I often walk them to the door and tell them I’ll stand outside and wait while they do their thing. If the establishment seems especially safe, like a small gift shop, the doctor’s office or a family restaurant, I don’t give it much thought.

  • Related:
  • Sign up to receive the daily Patch newsletter, or follow RSM Patch on Facebook and Twitter.
  • If you're a business owner or manager, claim the free listing for your business here.

But if it’s, say, a sketchy park bathroom, I take a deep breath and go in. Just last week, I told my 7- year- old son I’d watch him from our table where we dined while he ran to the restroom straight ahead at a local fast food joint. The next day the Crown Books news story hit the stands, and I cringed. Never can be too safe. Won’t do that again.

Find out what's happening in Rancho Santa Margaritawith free, real-time updates from Patch.

I imagine the mother of the boy at Crown Books didn’t give it much thought either. The boy was older, the community is safe, the store is brand new. And what sort of predator would lurk at a book store, of all places? Wouldn’t he be hanging out in some seedy downtown establishment instead? Maybe there's no place seedy enough in Rancho Santa Margarita.

The discussion came up last night at soccer practice among my friends. When do you stop escorting your child to the restroom? When they turn 18, go off to college, say their vows and walk down the aisle? And what if your child is the opposite sex? Is it appropriate to escort a 10-year-old boy into a women’s bathroom in the name of safety? Even just peeking in the door of the men’s room to make sure the coast is clear could be uncomfortable if it was occupied.

When my son was only 5, I took him into the restroom at a local Claim Jumper restaurant. An older woman came out of the stall, glared at him and wagged a finger at me. “Shame on you! Boys don’t belong in here!” she chided me. I ignored her as I whisked my son into the stall, but her reaction baffled me. Wouldn’t she have done the same with her small son back in the day?

The Crown Books story has been a good reminder for me, and many others, I’m sure, that you can never be too safe. While I’d rather visit the dentist than a public restroom, I will continue to escort my kids in and use my judgment with my older boys. Moms, what about you? At what age do you think a child can go into a restroom alone? And would you take a 10-year-old into a women’s restroom with you in the name of safety?

We’ve removed the ability to reply as we work to make improvements. Learn more here

The views expressed in this post are the author's own. Want to post on Patch?