Moms Talk: Kids and Bullies

QUESTION: With school starting again, I'm concerned about all this "bullying" behavior I've heard about going on during recess and at lunch. I've tried talking to my kids about it but I don't know what to do beyond that. Is teaching kids to "fight back" the right approach?

ANSWER: These days, it seems bullying is in the spotlight more than ever. The terms have changed though since the "Leave it to Beaver" days, where black eyes were the only indication a kid was getting picked on. Taunting with mean words and threatening can be just as intimidating for a kid as physical bullying. With state budget cuts, many campuses have fewer supervisors than ever, leaving kids to create mischief in bathrooms and on the playground where they go unnoticed. It's important to remind your kid that they must always tell an adult if they are being bullied; this is not tattling. Bullying is any situation in which a child feels threatened or uncomfortable. Girls can be just as cruel these days, especially with their words. I tell my kids that bullies usually feel bad about themselves and are just trying to get attention albeit in a negative way. Ignoring them can often work wonders; they'll usually wander away and try to find someone else to pick on. My daughter knew a girl last year who consistently picked on kids, but eventually my daughter friended her and the girl stopped. Turned out all she needed was a friend. Fighting back should be a last resort if a child feels truly endangered; finding an adult is always the best policy. And as a mom, don't be afraid to stand up for your kid too.