Moms Talk: The Importance of Dads

The year was 1987. Headbands, big bangs, mini-skirts, purple eye shadow and high topped sneakers rose to the peak of fashion. And something else debuted that year—the TV show Married with Children. I was strictly forbidden to watch it, but I often snuck a peek when I visited my friends’ houses to see what the fuss was all about. Each time they flipped it on, a scrawny, whiny guy on the couch appeared, his shirt untucked, his hair awry. That guy was Al Bundy, a shoe salesman at the fictional Gary’s Shoes in the mall, who spent more time playing with the remote than with his kids. He was so ridiculous I couldn’t stop watching; was he for real?

A string of sitcoms appeared in the next decade, many of them depicting fathers in a similar light. The ever-famous Homer Simpson made nearly every father in America look like a saint—he was incompetent, crude, drank too much, and held a whopping 188 jobs in the first 400 episodes of the show. Raymond on Everybody Loves Raymond followed, and though his job as a sports writer was admirable, his often clueless demeanor left his TV wife at her wit’s end. Then there was Bill on Still Standing, another overweight, clueless guy, a college dropout who sold toilets for a living. Most recently,  on the popular Nickelodeon show Good Luck Charlie, we meet Bob, another overweight, sometimes clueless father who holds a  “prestigious” job as a pest control worker while his wife brings home the dough as a nurse.  See a pattern here? What happened to the Bill Cosbys and Ward Cleavers on TV? Heck, even Mike Brady held it together pretty well for having six kids and a full time job.

While TV has certainly given us plenty to laugh about with these bumbling father figures, one also has to wonder if it hasn’t gone in a bad direction, portraying fathers as nothing more than mindless, useless guys who hold mediocre jobs, eat too much, drink beer and spend most of their days on the couch. In reality, many American fathers strive to be just the opposite—hardworking men their kids can look up to. And with these changing times, they’re needed more than ever.

Consider the following interesting statistics:

• Since 1980, the number of single dads in the U.S. has doubled to 1.6 million.
• Currently, there are roughly 150,000 stay at home dads in the U.S. Some stay home due to lack of employment, but many have made the admirable choice to stay at home with the kids while their wives return to work.
• Kids with fathers in the home are 70 percent less likely to drop out of school.
• 85 percent of youths in prison come from fatherless homes.
• 50 percent of kids, when interviewed during one survey, named their father as their number one role model, beating out famous sports stars and TV action heroes.

The point is, fathers are important. They are needed. And they are much more than a bunch of beer-drinking dudes who play with the remote and eat bags of chips. One of my closest friends is a single father. He runs a one-man show, working from home late at night so he can get up early to get the kids off to school, clean the house, whip up some dinner and shuttle them off to their games that afternoon. He’s even learned a thing or two about decorating since his divorce. But it’s his presence that impresses his kids the most. He’s never missed a soccer game, a school band performance or a swim meet. And you can bet his kids all notice.

In one of his latest songs, “Dad, I’ve been Watchin’ You,” country crooner Rodney Atkins sings about a boy who lets a swear word slip in the car after hearing his father utter it. The chorus goes like this: “Dad, I’ve been watchin’ you, ain’t that cool? I’m your buckaroo, I wanna be like you…” And isn’t that so true? A dad does not need to hold a six figure job to be a hero; he just needs to be around.

The movie Courageous came out last year, attempting to shake up households all across America.  The movie depicted several fathers, all in different scenarios: A grieving father, an unemployed father, a single father, a workaholic father. In the end, many of the men decided to sign an agreement stating that they would step up to the plate as fathers and lead their homes. No Al Bundys here!

So this Father’s Day, we salute you, dads! Yes, this is Moms Talk, but you deserve a place here too! Dads (and moms!), do you think TV sitcoms have portrayed dads in a bad light? Are you a stay at home dad or single dad, or do you know someone who is? And how does it make you feel to know you’re a role model, a hero even, to some little boy or girl? We want to hear from you.