Health & Fitness
Of Bullies and Buddies ...
Bullying can have devastating consequences, and it can happen to anyone.
As I write this, the latest headline comes from Sparks, Nevada. A 12-year-old boy has taken his parents’ handgun to school and has fatally shot a teacher, seriously wounded two 12 year old students, and has taken his own young life. Although yet to be confirmed, the suspicion is that this young man was a victim of incessant bullying.
Tragically, the news that a child has taken his or her life as a result of bullying is hardly new:
In September, 13-year-old Rebecca Sedwick jumped from a silo in Florida, no longer able to tolerate the bullying from her former friends.
Last week, a 15-year-old Illinois boy, Jordan Lewis, died from a self-inflicted gunshot wound, leaving a suicide note wherein he blamed bullying for his death.
Fifteen-year-old Amanda Todd took her own life after posting a YouTube video describing how she was tormented repeatedly by bullies.
Unfortunately, the list of victims of bullying can go on and on, and most certainly includes many who might be reading this. But please, let me tell you of yet another victim of bullying, albeit a former victim. A young man who suffered at the hands of a bully for years. A boy who felt he had nowhere to turn, and no one to help him. Me.
David B. lived a few blocks away from my house in Anaheim, and from what I had been told, enjoyed shooting children and cats with his BB gun. From the time that I entered 5th grade, and until I completed 8th grade, David B. took great pleasure in tormenting me (and others) whenever the opportunity presented itself. He was the classic bully; the kind of kid who was not particularly smart nor talented, but always able to surround himself with the toughest and most popular guys in school, just in case one of his victims decided to fight back.
He would sit behind me in class and flick my ears with his fingers. He would throw me against lockers between classes. Ironically, my locker in 7th grade was just below his, and he would wait until I got down on one knee to open my locker until he would open his and then slam the door into my forehead. As I sat in the cafeteria eating lunch, he would walk by and spit in my food. He would sneak up behind me and trip me as I walked to class, and then kick my books down the hall.
He once stabbed a girl with a pencil, and then left the pencil in the vent of my locker with a note that said, “you’re next” (I’m sure he misspelled “you’re”). I used to be so terrified of David B. that I would wait long after school ended, and then take a long, circuitous route home just so I wouldn't be seen by him or his sidekicks.
In 7th grade, I spent an entire semester of metal shop making a garden trowel for my mother. While walking home from school one day, I experienced a sharp pain in my left forearm, followed suddenly by a pain behind my left ear. I looked to my left, and quickly realized that David B. had become bored with shooting cats; he was now shooting me. I dropped what I was carrying and ran home as fast as I could. The next morning, my garden trowel, a gift for my mother, was bent in half and shoved into the door of my school locker.
Time passed, and the constant bullying ended when David B. moved on to high school. I grew in stature and confidence over the next couple of years, and found that David B. no longer bothered me. Maybe it was the fact that I was bigger than him, or maybe he bought a car and took his act to another neighborhood. Maybe he grew up. Maybe he got help for whatever might have been troubling him. Whatever the reason, I didn’t care.
Many years later, I saw him at an Angels game and marveled at why I was ever so afraid of such a man. It was at that moment that I realized that David B. had not changed much at all, but I had.
I recently had the pleasure of introducing Lt. Brian Schmutz and our city’s Child Safety Deputy, Clay Cranford, at a Cyber Safety and Bullying course that was held at the RSM Bell Tower Regional Community Center. Deputy Cranford’s two hour presentation was gripping. He spoke of the consequences of cyber bullying (including the death of Amanda Todd) and the fact that 43% of teens have been bullied on line, 33% experiencing online threats. I found this class to be extremely informative and thought provoking. I took notes on what to discuss with my youngest child, but not once did the image of David B. cross my mind. Not until one week later, on a bright Friday morning on the blacktop of one of our local schools.
Mayor Tony Beall and I had the pleasure of attending the “Be a Buddy, Not a Bully” closing ceremony at Tijeras Creek Elementary School. This week-long event taught children the different types of bullying: physical, emotional, social and verbal. Each day, the kids pledged as follows:
- I will not bully others
- I will try to help students who are bullied
- I will try to include students who are left out
- If I know someone is being bullied, I will tell an adult at school, and an adult at home, until the bullying stops.
I stood on the blacktop and looked out at a sea of children, many holding signs displaying their commitment to stopping bullying at their school, and in their lives. As Principal Buckingham handed me a microphone and asked me to say a few words, I had no idea what to say, other than to issue a confession. A confession involving David B.
As reflected by the attached video, I told this suddenly silent collection of bright, innocent faces that I had been bullied and that, unlike them, I had failed to have the courage to do anything about it. I told these children that I wish that I had told an adult about David B., and that it was their duty to not only stand up to bullies, but to stand up for their friends and classmates who are the victims of such conduct. Lastly, I asked them to have the courage to look out for that tall, skinny, shy child sitting in the back of the class. For that child was me.
Later, as the kids entertained the crowd with a flash mob dance to Katy Perry’s “Roar,” it was impossible not to be impressed with their innocence, their energy and their unbridled enthusiasm.
The staff of Tijeras Creek Elementary School, the parents, and the volunteers for the “Be a Buddy, Not a Bully” event have given these children something more than the methods to stop bullying. They have given these children a sense of strength and empowerment that will serve them well throughout their lives.
Although the headlines about the tragic consequences of bullying will likely continue, I feel confident that these children are now equipped with the tools to combat such conduct, tools that I never felt I had when I was tormented by my bully.
No one needs a David B. in their life. My hope and prayer is that the lessons taught by these dedicated teachers and parents at Tijeras Creek Elementary School will spread to all children throughout Rancho Santa Margarita.
Working together, let's get this done.
Mr. McGirr serves as a City Councilman for the city of Rancho Santa Margarita. He resides in RSM with his wife, Julie, and their three children.
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