Moms Talk: Little League Gone Wild

One of the greatest highlights of my childhood was visiting the Little League field where my brother played ball. Back then, on the brink of adolescence, it was more about scoping out the cute boys and snagging some candy at the snack bar, but nevertheless, fond memories were made.

Though I had two left feet and never dabbled in sports myself, I couldn’t wait to get my kids involved when I became a parent. It turns out I moved to the right place—land of soccer, baseball, and every other sport known to man.

Eavesdrop on any parent conversation and most likely the word “championship game” will pop up. Pull into any elementary school parking lot and you’ll see a stream of minivans and SUVs with sports stickers plastered on back. Drive by any field on a Saturday morning and you’ll see it dotted with miniature players in colorful uniforms. Nothing wrong with all this, of course; I’m a member of the pack myself. But what happens when parents take sports to extremes? When it isn’t fun and games anymore?

A few years ago, a fight between parents and coaches in Georgia interrupted a baseball game. The kids on the field were ages 4 and 5. We’re not talking the Major Leagues here; we’re talking kindergarten kids with missing teeth and scabbed knees. This is only one of many stories. I’ve seen it myself from the sidelines—an irate coach swearing at his team, picking a fight with the referee and accosting parents on the other side of the field while the kids watch in horror. What happened to good old fashioned sportsmanship?

According to Dr. Ronald L. Kamm, a sports psychiatrist and family therapist, “It’s gotten out of control. Instead of being enjoyable, for many children sports have become an anxiety-filled experience. Youth sports can be a tremendous help to kids, providing opportunities for confidence-building, skill development and teamwork. But it can also be an area for verbal, emotional or physical abuse, depending on the attitudes of the adults involved.”

Instead of helping a child develop skills, parents become focused solely on winning, adds Kamm, and sometimes the pressure is just too much.

There’s a name for this syndrome, according to Kamm. “Achievement by proxy is where the child is little more than an extension of a parent and the parent totally lives vicariously through the child,” he says. “Some parents were athletes themselves and want their child to be at least as good, if not better. Some weren’t good athletes and want their child to become what they weren’t.”

Studies conducted by the National Youth Sports Coaches Association showed that nearly three out of four children in organized sports programs drop out between the ages of 8 to 13 when the sport no longer becomes fun for them.

Over-the-top parents and coaches, sadly, are a big factor. But in some places, changes are being made. Some organizations now require mandatory sportsmanship training programs for parents, during which they outline appropriate behavior on and off the field. In these programs, parents are instructed to encourage their child without chastising them about their performance, and they appear to be making a difference.  For this, I say, “Bravo!”

I’m the first to admit I can get caught up in a good game, holler at my kid and cringe from my seat when they make a bad play. But at the end of the day, I know they’re watching me. If they see me unravel when they lose a game, what sort of example am I setting for them?  I want them to have fun. I want them to feel they did their best, whether they win or lose. I may have a future Olympic medalist on my hands, or our sports days may end on the AYSO soccer field. Either way, I’m still proud of them, and I want them to be proud of them, too.

Moms and dads, when it comes to organized sports, do you think we’ve taken things to the extreme? Can you admit that you're a "Little League Dad?" Do your kids play sports, and if so, how do you strike a balance between “fun” and “competitive play”? Have you seen things get out of control on the sidelines? Do you think mandatory parent sportsmanship classes are a good idea? We want to hear from you!